[Gershom]

I notice often, when people looking into adoption or who have adopted, or adoptees speaking of their adoptive parents or references to people who have adopted, the story is often told of their struggle to have children on their own.Why is this? Why is it about their infertility?That tells me 1) they wouldn't have chosen adoption if they had children on their own2) they didn't look into adoption for the benefit of the child3) they're not looking at it from the adoptees point of view or else they wouldn't be introducing themselves as people who have struggled with infertility.Does anybody else see the irony in this? Does it bother anyone else? Do you think adoption will ever be about the child?*Disclaimer*( i am not meaning"all"adoptions are like this, some aren't, for the ones that are, that is what I'd like to discuss. I realize that there are some people who looked into foster care adoption to generally help a child, I realize not all ap's are infertile. This question is directed to those using infertility as a crutch to justify adoption )

[Lillie]

Probably for the same reason why every adoptee has to start their Q&A with"I LOVE my adoptive parents, but..."or else we will get drawn and quartered and labeled with the"angry, bitter, had a bad life"diatribe.

[Sharon M]

Why does anyone have to justify their choice? Look, here's the thing, most people want to have children. Most people assume that they will be able to conceive their own children and are heartbroken when they can't. Adoption is an alternative but let's be honest, when people are contemplating parenthood, it is NEVER really about the child. It's about whether or not you want to be a parent. How you get the child is really kind of beside the point. This isn't to say that there aren't a lot of problems with the process, but really, you guys are raising non issues. To question why an infertile couple chose adoption is like asking non adoptive parents chose to have children at all. It's the desire to be parent that spurs both scenarios.

[Kristy]

Probably the same reason some people feel the need to post *disclaimers* on their questions. (Seriously)People think that by explaining MORE about their issue/question they will stop other people from jumping to conclusions and assuming something that they don't want people to assume or hear something that they've heard already.For instance, if someone came in here and asked about adoption, some will answer with why not just have your"own"baby and not contribute to the horrible adoption market? Then there would be a desire to bring up that issue that they didn't want to bring up in the first place... their infertility. But this time it would be in a defensive manner rather than a proactive manner.EDT:1) they wouldn't have chosen adoption if they had children on their ownYOU MEAN BIOLOGICAL, RIGHT? AN ADOPTED CHILD IS THEIR OWN CHILD, TOO.2) they didn't look into adoption for the benefit of the childTHE GENERAL PUBLIC BELIEVES THAT ADOPTION IS BENEFITTING THE CHILD.3) they're not looking at it from the adoptees point of view or else they wouldn't be introducing themselves as people who have struggled with infertility.YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT IT FROM THE ADOPTIVE PARENTS POINT OF VIEW- OR ARE YOU AN ADOPTIVE PARENT? I FORGET.---How the heck do people think providing a reason for why they want to adopt = why people think they're entitled? Everyone has a reason to everything they do in life. In the USA, we have the right to pursue happiness for any reason... it does not mean youare entitled to other's happiness.

Because when a couple or a woman chooses to get pregnant they/ she desires to be a"parent". Why aren't they questioned for bringing a child into the world ? What gives them the right to have desires, it should be about that unborn child only and not them at all. Why does that expectant mother enjoy those feelings of being pampered by her partner when she says"go get me that Reese pieces icecream from DQ.I am craving for it"What right does she have to enjoy her pregnancy and desires of a pregnant woman ? She should only think of that unborn child when she eats!Same way a couple that have faced infertility have every right to turn to adoption to meet their desire to parent.If a fertile woman has the right to her desires to be a parent , so does a infertile woman !!What you don't seem to understand is those desires to parent a child don't clash with the childs need. Those ofcourse that are placed for adoption obviously.