[Paul]

I met this girl in May, and we became very good friends. Since meeting her we each know everything about each other and tell each other everything, talk every day, and hang out as much as possible. She has had a rough life and I'm the only person left who cares about her, and she tells me I'm the only person she trusts and knows the real her. A few days ago, we got into a fight. Whenever we get into a fight and she does something wrong, she turns it around and says I'm the one who did something wrong, and usually I'll just apologize to fix the problem and every thing's better again. Then the next night we got into another fight (we were both a little drunk) and she told me to move out of her apartment I was staying in at school. I tried to ask if we were still friends and she just said to stop talking to her and we'd talk in the morning. The morning comes and I'm ready to talk, but she just texts me and says my stuff is in the hall outside the door and to get it, and she refuses to talk. Then she refuses to give me all of my stuff, so I say that if she doesn't want to talk or give it to me, that I'm going to call campus police to let me in. She finally puts the stuff out, and says she'll call me in a few hours to talk. When she does, she says "I hate you, I don't want to be friends, you're the worst friend ever, I never want to see or talk to you again, stop contacting me or I'll get a restraining order" and then hangs up. Now this whole time, she was with her other friend who doesn't like me and I could tell he was egging her on and encouraging her to go against me. The only problem is none of her other friends really care about her or will do anything to help her unless it benefits them. She has no car, no money, no job, and she needs help with some things at school. We always used my car, I paid for both of us, I've gotten her jobs before, and I was supposed to help her with her school stuff. My question is will she realize her mistake and call me in a few days? The only thing I'm afraid of is that she's going to realize her mistake, but then have too much pride to admit it and call me for help, and being bipolar, she might get depressed and make some bad decisions. Any advice would help. I just want to get my best friend back.

P.S. She is between doctors so she is currently unmediated, I was going to take her to get that fixed too.
Without me to help her she'll end up getting kicked out of school, lose her apartment, have no car or job, and be stuck living at home with her grandparents who she hates and is always miserable with. I'm just afraid that if that happens she'll get real depressed and I don't want her to hurt herself

[funkifiya]

unfortunately, there is not much you can do. You really just going to have to sit back and wait it out. she may come back, she may not. bi-polar is really hard to judge how they will react.

[Dawn H]

Living with someone who suffers from Bipolar is difficult. You never quite know what you are going to wake up to. she may in the depression cycle and not thinking clearly. They tend to blame others for their problems. If you have to write her a letter telling her what you need to say, leave if not her door, and pray that she takes the time to read it. People who are bipolar have no reason for their actions sometimes. You may also have to just wait it out. But continue to remind her that you are her friend and you are there if she needs you.

[Papi]

This "friend" of yours is obviously very mentally unstable, probably because she is not treating her disorder. But that is no excuse for the way she is treating you - bipolar or not, medicated or not, that is no excuse to be abusive to another person, especially one who is trying so hard to help you. I know you feel like you are the only good influence in her life and you don't want to leave her in the hands of the friends who only use her and aren't good for her... but you are not this girl's mother. You are not responsible for her well-being, you do not owe her anything.

If she says she does not want to talk to you, then don't talk to her. If she realizes her mistakes and asks for forgiveness, then forgive her, but do not apologize for something you didn't do because you think she needs you to take care of her. She is an adult, she needs to learn how to take care of herself. If she calls you and wants to talk about what happened and apologize, that's fine, but you need to make it clear to her that she can NOT treat you like this in the future and expect that things will just be "okay" again. She needs to be responsible for her actions, and that means not blowing up on people like that and then expecting them to just forgive her with open arms because she has a disorder.

I have bipolar disorder, I don't expect it to be a free pass to behave however I want to. That's just not reality, and you shouldn't feel like you have to put up with her behavior because she is ill. The illness is not her fault, but refusing to get treatment IS her fault and she will have to live with the consequences if she continues to put off seeing a doctor and getting medication.

Take care of yourself, first and foremost. That is your job. Taking care of her is not your job. If she becomes depressed and does something to hurt herself, that is NOT your fault. I think it's great that you want to be such a caring friend, but don't make yourself feel responsible for her decisions. If she hurts herself, that is on her, not you. You tried to help her, you've done more for her than most people would do for a good friend, much less a friend who is cruel to them. You have done all you can and much more than was ever required of you... she needs to take responsibility for her own life now.

Good luck.